Consequences

I know the consequences.

I’ve been told my whole life.

I stare into you:

You nothingness,

You blackness.

Malignant and voracious for my soul.

I’ve been acquainted with you,

you darkness, you emptiness.

I know you.

You are me.

I am you.

I lose myself sometimes

Only to find you again,

achu, achu.

Here I am,

For you.

Lifeless, empty, loveless,

Until I am found.

Here I am, Despaired.

Thoughtless.

Searching for you.

Living for you.

Here I am.

Aware of everything I’ve ever done.

Aware of everything I should have done.

Here I am.

Guilty.

I should have been a bass player

For a band that doesn’t matter.

I should have died when I was born.

I should have died when I was seven.

But, you, you darkness,

You held me,

You comforted me,

You said I’d get better.

You liar.

I am the smoke I never wanted to be,

I am the cloud of smoke I have tried to never be.

But, I float, and I am transparent in the light.

Can’t you see me?

Floating away, dying,

Becoming something else.

Becoming everything I’ve never wanted to be.