5150

I had no gut feeling,

like I'd been debowled.

Like God wasn't with me,

so they held me down.

A shadow in a single cell.

A terrified young man in a gurney, gowned.

My life or theirs, I was not prepared

for the horrors of John Galvin's hounds.

Before my lover died in a car crash.

The heartless pushed the dead around

the room so we could all see the effects

of crystal meth, cocaine, heroine, and shrooms.

I told them it was Paxil that I'd used

to calm the spirits in their bloom.

After reading Carl Marx I destroyed my room,

and found my self in a distant thought of never ending doom.

It was my homies or me, my family or me.

It wasn't funny anymore, this fantasy

disguised as America's greatest tragedy.

There must have been a mistake, I'm good indeed.

The cops were there with three fingers in the air.

What could mean anything to me.

Mocked my nice. A young man who walked with Christ,

the evil's greatest enemy.

There was an immortal war of all the binaries of history and lore,

turned into a moral questioning of whether I watched porn.

It's bathos, it seems.

Was I sick or just a puppet on a string?

My desires were my conclusion to the dream.

A nurse handed me a puzzle book and a pen.

And at that moment I knew the delusion would never end.

An immigrant in a security uniform handed me a car magazine,

and said, "Here you go, son. Something to read. Tell me when you're ready to leave."

I couldn't believe that this shit had happened to me.

It was supposed to be a high point.

A college degree that mattered to me;

credibility and the freedom to thrive.

There was a split worse than the broken collar bone at 21, and it lived in the mind.

I wanted to cry in that hospital bed doomed.

Where love was a feast in Tutankaman's tomb.

The community wants to argue morality but never have the time to speak.

They must be short winded and more delusional than I am cheap.

I want a motive and justice.

Where was God that night on that moment of my fright?

It took years to control my own mind.

The socio-economic-political war reflected inside.